Editor's notes: Literally melting

It's your friendly neighbourhood independent editor here again, sharing some of the common issues I see in my work for authors. I don't mean the basics of grammar and characterisation and plot; advice on those is easy to find. I'm talking instead about some specific but subtle things affecting writers of erotica. And this time, it's metaphors that can be unintentionally hilarious. 

His whip had set my ass on fire and now he told me to bend over ready for him; his voice was gravel. I folded myself in half, ass raised to the ceiling, waiting. His cock found my tunnel and pierced me to the core. Once he'd filled me to the brim, he pushed me onto the bed and made me come. My bones melted into the mattress.

As erotica writers, we can go a bit overboard at times. I'm the same. In the heat of the moment, you lose the little words that signal that you're talking metaphorically - His voice *sounded like* gravel. My bones *felt like* they were melting into the bed. Or your metaphors simply run away with themselves or get all mixed up.

You can get away with it. A bit. But do it too much and it gets ridiculous. Your reader might be jerked out of their immersion in the heat of the moment and imagine it happening literally. If your ass was actually ablaze, you'd have a problem. And bones melting into the bed? Crikey, call an ambulance. No, call an exorcist. Cocks do not actually split or pierce people, even though likening them, metaphorically, to weapons or tools has a long (and often misogynistic) history. And no one has a tunnel as part of their anatomy, unless you're writing a medical text about carpal tunnel syndrome. And just try to imagine how much come it would take to fill a hollowed-out human-sized figure. 

If you've been paying attention, you'll have spotted that I added the word 'felt' to the second description of bones melting. And I've already suggested you stop using the verb 'to feel' all the time. But as I also said, it's about moderation, about using a word because you've chosen to, not because it just slips in and takes over. The same with these metaphors; you're building up the heat but you have to stop before your pan boils over (metaphorically speaking) or your reader is going to be thinking 'what the bloody fuck?'

Next time, splices and fragments. And if you happen to need a helpful, down-to-earth kind of editor, check me out at www.tillyhunter.co.uk.