Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts

Monday, 16 September 2013

Guest - Oleander Plume

I have the fantabulous Oleander Plume visiting today, talking about her first foray into writing erotica. She's my book-fellow in The Women Who Love to Love Gay Romance. Her story is both sexy and funny and uses the amazing phrase: 'Oh, holy sweet shit on a cracker.' Here she is:

I used to write erotica with the door locked and the shades drawn. Sure, I tell various friends and family members that I 'write', but I never give details. The only one that I let in on my little secret is my husband. How I broke the news to him is kind of a funny story. It went something like this:

Me: Um, you know I've been writing a lot more lately.

Him (he was staring at a football game on ESPN): Yeah, I know, the laundry is really piling up.

Me: Well, I have a short story I'd really like you to read.

Him (still staring at TV): Okay, yeah, sure.

Me: It's different from my usual stuff, um, it's dirty.

His head jerked my direction so fast I thought he was going to have whiplash.

Him: Huh?

Me: Yeah. I'm writing smut now, it's what I do.

Him (wearing a large grin): Can I read it now? (he grabbed for my laptop)

Me: Fine, but don't laugh at me. And don't judge me. And don't tell anybody.

Him: Shh, reading.

I sat next to him on the couch, wringing my hands and turning five different shades of red. He started sweating, and shifting in his seat.

Him: Holy shit.

Me: Do you hate it? Oh, crap, I should have never let you...

Him: Shh, reading.

Occasionally he would glance at me with a stunned expression on his face. I need to mention, he's a slow reader, so watching him read is like watching paint dry. Finally, he got to the end. He sort of nodded, then looked at me.

Him (shrugs): It's good.

Me: It's good? That's all you have to say? You're really saying you hated it, right?

Him (he gave me a glare, then lifted the laptop): Does it look like I hated it?

Me: Oh. OHHHHHHHHHH!

Incidentally, that story went on to win a contest. Consequently, I use him as my barometer before I send anything out. It's a body part that never lies.

*****

Thanks for visiting, Oleander! You can get your hands on a copy of The Women Who Love to Love Gay Romance at  Amazon.comAmazon UKAll Romance and Smashwords.
And you can find Oleander blogging at oleanderplume.blogspot.co.uk and tweeting @OleanderPlume.
And you can comment to tell me how to get rid of the damn white background, should you so wish.


Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Just for laughs

It's lazy post time. Thought I'd share a few silly things I've stumbled across on the web. I should probably have made a note of who tweeted the links to a couple, so I could add appropriate thanks, but I'm not that organised.

Ever blown the grounsils or made a lobster kettle of yourself? Here are 17 euphemisms for sex from the 1800s: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/140163

Perhaps you fancy a ride on a giggle stick, or would you prefer to pet the poodle? An enormous glossary of, often ridiculous, sexual and scatological euphemisms for your perusal: http://www.uta.fi/FAST/GC/sex-scat.html

Join the campaign to save Brit actor Sean Bean from yet another grisly death: http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2012-04-13

No matter how often I read these, they get me every time. The funniest iPhone autocorrects:
http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/13603/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-dyacs-first-year/